Being a stepmom comes with so many obstacles. One of them is the criticism and judgment you receive from society, mainly the moms.
I’m pretty young for being a stepmom. I pretty much became one when I was 18 years old. That’s reallyyyyyy young. I knew it would be difficult at times but I never imagined how other “real” moms would make me feel.
“You didn’t carry a child, you’re not a real mom”
So if you adopted, you’re not a real mom? If you had a surrogate, you’re not a real mom? My question is what makes a mom a “real” mom then?
I’ve cared for a little boy since he was a year old. I’ve made sure he’s had food in his belly, clothes on his back, helped potty train him, changed his dirty dirty diapers, he,led him learn words… I’ve nursed him back to health when he was sick. Kissed boo boos. I’ve comforted him when he was scared or had bad dreams. I’ve helped discipline him and teach him right from wrong. Even with all that I’ve done for this tiny human for over 4 years, in the eyes of society and mothers everywhere, I’m not a “real” mother.
This is one of the most hurtful and difficult realities I’ve had to face. I’ve felt it more recently than any other time. I’ve felt excluded so many times. That’s probably the worst feeling. Even though you do everything a biological mother does for her child, you’re not seen as a mother.
If there are other step moms, foster moms, adoptive moms and everyone else in between that have felt this way, don’t worry you’re not alone. I’ve learned that we ARE moms. Biology has nothing to do with it. If you love and care for a child as if they were made from you then yes you are a mother!
I don’t like saying that Brysen is my stepson. In my eyes and heart he is my son. I want to know everything he does on a daily basis whether he’s with me or not. I worry about him. I wonder if he had a good day at school. If he’s feeling well or not. If he misses me and his dad as much as we miss him when he’s not with us.
I don’t like feeling excluded by other moms. He’s my son too and I will always make sure I am involved in everything he does. Whether he calls me mom or not does not define me either. My relationship with him is that of a mother and son. It’s special and loving.
A “real” mother loves and cares for her child. To me that is what makes a woman a real mom.